Have you ever considered that when you condemn yourself for something, you are saying that the blood of Jesus wasn’t enough? And when you take on and wear shame, you are saying Jesus’ sacrifice didn’t cover this particular thing for which you feel shame? Unfortunately, several religious communities have preached with great conviction that we must earn the love of God by good works and avoiding the bad stuff. But I don’t believe that is Scriptural or true.
The love of God was demonstrated when He sent Jesus to die for us, even while we hated Him, didn’t know Him, and didn’t care to. The one sacrifice Jesus made took on all the bad stuff—there is nothing that is too much or wasn’t covered at that point—past, present and future. If there was, Jesus would have to die over and over again to cover it.
When we agree with condemnation, we are negating Jesus’ death and resurrection. We are saying it is not enough, and I must really beat up on myself before I can be stamped “approved” by God. I must wallow in self-pity, in condemnation and in shame in order to earn God’s love. Yuck.
One of the most often repeated lies people share with me in terms of what they think about themselves is that they are worthless. This has been communicated by various people in their lives, or by their own definition time and time again. Sometimes they feel they should be at a different place in their lives and that would give worth. Sometimes they believe if they had worked hard enough to make people like them that this would give them worth. Sometimes they have been told that their only worth lies in their being used for whatever purpose the user desires, and that they will lose worth if they stop allowing someone to use them.
Worth is not transactional. It is not given when we earn it. A person doesn’t gain worth the more they achieve, relate to others, or give. Some people try to convince themselves they have worth, but it is usually based in something they have to believe about themselves. When someone communicates they are not worth their time, the façade is gone and we struggle to believe we have worth apart from what others communicate.
When we experience rejection while trying to find someone to communicate worth, any sense of having worth is obliterated as we have placed the definition on a person or place in this world. It is gut-wrenching, and feels like death.
We had a crazy windstorm last week with almost 24 hours of intense wind gusts and the resulting damages—trees falling, fences knocked down, various lawn chairs and trampolines blown away. I’ve never been through a hurricane on the coast, and I realized what people talk about with the sheer noise wind can create. My husband had to wear earplugs to sleep, and the howling and crashing went on all night.
At some point during the night, I woke up and listened to the wind for a bit while lying in bed. It dawned on me that this was what the disciples felt when they were out in the boat with Jesus, except they were on a boat tossed by the waves rather than a warm bed in a safe house. I imagined the fear and panic that would govern in a situation like that. They were pretty sure they were going to die out there in that storm.
Jesus had been teaching about faith prior to this story told in Mark 4. When the storm comes up, he is SLEEPING. This makes no sense to us when we don’t realize that God is enough in a storm, but Jesus knew His Father was watching out for Him and didn’t need to worry or stress about anything.
God loves you. That phrase has gotten trite and feels shallow sometimes. And yet, it is anything but trite and shallow. While we hated, mocked, spat on Him, God loves us. While we ran from Him and fought any call of His to come to Him, God loves us. While we rebelled and invited more and more darkness into ourselves, God loves us. While the selfishness took over to distort us into maniacal narcissists, God loves us. While we postured in false humility and rode ego trips for our “good” deeds, God loves us.
God reached through the darkness with which we had surrounded ourselves, calling our names and extending His hand to pull us out of the pit. We didn’t know Him, but He knew us. He knew every bit of us and still chose to love us. He loved us to death, and to resurrection in power. Jesus walked the road of ultimate sacrifice, knowing what was in each of us and how we chose our own way. He looked past it and loved anyway. He never stops loving. We simply need to accept the love.
I have been thinking about how cool it is that we take a safe place with us no matter where we go. We are similar to snails—they carry their home on their backs, ready to pull into a shell whenever things get scary. The difference is that our safe place is within, and we can access it any time without physically moving. God no longer dwells in a temple made with hands, but in His people. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) He has given us His Spirit, and His very Life within.
We are in Christ, and Christ is in us. We contain the wrap-around presence of God within us all the time. It’s kind of a cool picture, isn’t it? We carry Him, and He wraps around us and shelters us as well. So many things with God’s kingdom are both/and. His Life is in us, and we are in Him.
Like a child, He said. The humble one, the gentle one, the teachable one. These will be able to see the beauty of heaven. At that time the disciples came to ask Jesus, “Who is considered to be the greatest in heaven’s kingdom realm?” Jesus called a little one to his side and said to them, “Learn this well: Unless you dramatically change your way of thinking and become teachable, and learn about heaven’s kingdom realm with the wide-eyed wonder of a child, you will never be able to enter in. Whoever continually humbles himself to become like this gentle child is the greatest one in heaven’s kingdom realm. Mt 18:1-4 (Passion Translation)
Who am I? Apart from Christ, no more than a broken woman with no special powers or intelligence. A mother who gets impatient with her kids and lives in regret often over the reactions. A wife who loves imperfectly and sometimes focuses on the flaws rather than the good. A person who beats herself up often for all the lack, forgetting to remember the Source for any good thing.
I have talked to several people whose parents, from the day they were born, conveyed the message they were unwanted. Some parents had wanted a girl and didn’t know what to do with a boy. Some got pregnant by “accident” and felt immediate resentment toward their little one. The feeling of being unwanted stuck around and these children have been constantly looking for someone to tell them they are wanted since then. But people are terrible at consistency.
How often have you wondered if you are a complete idiot like some would suggest? You believe in God despite the suffering you endure, and you believe His Life within allows you to do things that would be impossible without Him. A lot of people would roll their eyes and wonder how someone could be so stupid.
Although most parents and people around us try to love well, sometimes they miss the mark a bit. Sometimes people are fighting their own insecurities so much that they lash out at others to try to make themselves feel better. Of course, that doesn’t work, and instead leaves a person feeling even less loved. Sometimes we can even take the feeling of being unloved to the extreme of being unlovable.
I recently heard a man say that he dealt with life throughout the day by reciting Psalm 23. He said it was the best antidepressant he had found. I think if it had been anyone other than Mike Wells’ old mentor from India, I might have ignored this because so many formulas have been thrown at us they sound hollow. But this wasn’t a formula to him—it was a way of refocusing.
How many times have you found yourself stewing on all the failures of your day, or your life? This obsessing on stupid decisions, words spoken and actions left undone, will lead us eventually to feeling as though we are failures. There is a big difference between failing sometimes and being a failure. And I haven’t found that beating ourselves up is the answer to that distinction.
Someone recently asked me what I told people with body image issues, and those who obsess on their physical flaws. This is a very common problem. People define beauty by a certain cultural standard and then measure their own physical appearance by that standard, and usually can find a lot lacking. In this process, they can often even create problems that aren't there, and thus twist their mind to see an unreal perspective.
January and February are not my favorite months of the year. They are still definitely winter, but the fun of the Christmas season is over and they often just seem bleak and cold to me. I thrive in spring and summer—the green shoots coming up that I’ve planted and nurtured, the warmth of the air and the smell of new life.Recently, though, God’s been reminding me of the importance of winter.
I have a friend who calls himself a “recovering religious addict.” I can describe myself this way also. There are days I want to try to make a formula fit every situation, rather than turning to the One with whom I have relationship. I sit in self-righteousness for a moment over something I want to say I’ve done, only to collapse into self-loathing in realization I can’t maintain anything. Religion is poisonous and life-sucking, as we try to earn love and approval through performance. And it’s love we already have from God! We work for something we already have.
I think we are geared as humans to try to find a way out of circumstances that don’t feel good. We want to find freedom from the tight rope of walking through the valley of the shadow of death. And yet, often it seems God asks us to stay the course and hold the tension while He provides what we need for that walking.
So many people I’ve talked to recently speak of feeling “beat up” especially after the holidays. Family time has been scathing and torturous rather than enjoyable. Relationships you thought you could count on have turned on you and left you feeling betrayed. The days you looked forward to because of what they are “supposed to be” as portrayed by our culture have stung you like a scorpion hiding in a shoe.
I’ve never made a habit of picking a word for the year like some people do. Not that there’s anything wrong with it at all! I’ve thought about it, but usually end up over-thinking it and just giving up. But last year and this one, I have noticed that God has brought a reverberating theme—He puts a word or phrase on repeat in my heart and is using the circumstances of the year to really reveal the depth of that in my life.
Christmas time is here! For me, Christmas is a beautiful time of year to refocus and worship the King of Kings. It does not for one second mean that this time is without turmoil, conflict, frustration and sadness. It’s interesting to me that throughout the Bible, God comes for those who are weak, unqualified and not at all what the world would choose as His representatives. And He does things in ways that they would not have chosen for themselves.
Overnight my world had changed, I woke up with nerve pain in my hands, arms, feet and legs, it was burning and stinging all over; just the day before I was fine. Soon, I had fatigue, dizziness, headaches, muscle weakness and my tendons became loose and painful. Each day was worse than the next, I lost over 25 pounds within two months and it became difficult just to walk. Thirteen specialists later and a multitude of test, everything had come back negative. The doctors had no answer for what was wrong with me.
