Who am I? Apart from Christ, no more than a broken woman with no special powers or intelligence. A mother who gets impatient with her kids and lives in regret often over the reactions. A wife who loves imperfectly and sometimes focuses on the flaws rather than the good. A person who beats herself up often for all the lack, forgetting to remember the Source for any good thing. I don’t get it all right.
And perhaps that’s why I can see so clearly the treasure contained in this earthen vessel and desire to share it with others. My failings allow Jesus’ victories to be very obviously His. We can’t confuse my attempts to care for others for His amazing Love which flows to all whether or not they deserve it. I need Him for everything.
In Jesus, I am patient, even on school mornings when I feel like the kids are moving through molasses to get there. In Jesus, I am kind, even to those who have treated me unfairly and have betrayed me. In Jesus, I can forgive, for much has been forgiven in me. In Jesus, I can see a person’s softness even when it is buried deep within. In Jesus, I can respond to insults, implications and outright lies about me with the realization that no person defines me and therefore, there is no need to react as if they do.
And how do I remember this in the moment? That’s the tough one, isn’t it?
I need a few seconds to breathe through it. I pray for the moments when I feel the red ooze of rage engulfing me, or when I feel the cold, wet blanket of discouragement descending on my shoulders—I want those feelings to be reminders to stop and come to Jesus. To ask Him to be everything I need in that moment in order to respond differently.
In those few seconds, a radical shift can happen. I can remember what I forgot once again. It’s always been true, but I go back to trying the same thing I’ve always done (because that’s worked so well!) and failing. The remembering takes but a second, though, and I am able to press on in the power of the Living God.
Of course, the change is not in who I am, for I was always His child with His Life within. I just felt like all the other stuff. So, those few precious seconds allow me to turn away from what feels true toward what is actually true.
The truth is I am able do all things through Christ who gives me strength. The truth is I mount up with wings as eagles, run and not faint, walk and not get weary because He is empowering. The truth is I can’t do anything dumb enough to make Him turn from me, for nothing can separate us from the love of God. And the truth is I want to love others and reach out to share this love not just because it is a commandment, but because He is flowing out all over and loves others through me.
It’s an amazing economy really—God asks us to love others and then provides the love we need to do so. He asks us to run from evil, and brings the power for this. Everything He wants from us, He provides the resources to accomplish. We need only turn and be willing.
Of course, this turning to Him happens inside when we put down all our trying and admit our lack. And choose to remember all of His bounty which He has willingly provided for us whenever we ask for it.
So, today, I wake and, like my friend Mike Wells used to, proclaim today is too big for me. I know it before I even get out of bed. But today is not too big for Jesus, and so I move into His ability right away before my feet hit the floor. I keep turning back to His Life every time I stray and try to do it on my own again, realizing that it doesn’t work and proving what I can’t do in my own power. He never tires of this return. He waits patiently, and rejoices in my choosing again to come to Him for all that I need. What a deal!
I know what it means to lack, and I know what it means to experience overwhelming abundance. For I’m trained in the secret of overcoming all things, whether in fullness or in hunger. And I find that the strength of Christ’s explosive power infuses me to conquer every difficulty. Philippians 4:12-13