A lot of us do it. The groove of obsession is well worn into our neuron pathways, and almost feels wrong to change. We obsess on our faults, our mess-ups, our addictions, other people, comparison and the things we think we need to change about ourselves.
We try to stop obsessing sometimes. Just cold stop. And it doesn’t work. Because the one thing you aren’t supposed to think about, you do. Ever been the person who blows the secret? The one thing you weren’t supposed to say is what comes flying out of your mouth? “Isn’t it great she’s having a boy?” “You’re surprise party will be so fun!” The things we are trying so hard to remove from our mind are the things we can’t forget and end up blurting out.
Often we don’t even realize we’re obsessing. We aren’t very aware of what is buzzing through our mind unrestricted. I like to talk about using a feeling as an alert system for when you are obsessing. It becomes kind of a red, blinking light to remind you that perhaps your mind is in the wrong place. The feeling is different for everyone, but I describe mine as a cold, wet blanket tossed on my shoulders under which I begin to ooze into the floor.
Generally this emotional shift manifests in an anxious, fearful, angry or sad feeling. And we don’t stop to analyze why we are feeling a certain way. We just feel them, and follow them down a rabbit hole. If you can push rewind, though, and figure out where the feeling started, I would venture to guess that often it began with obsessing on something either real or imagined in your life. This obsession then spiraled into a massive emotional overload.Once I realize I’m in an obsessive spiral (using the emotional warning system of recognizing the emotion that follows my obsession), I like to ask myself a few questions to move past it.
1. Is this a productive thought pattern?
In other words, am I solving a problem or figuring something out? With obsession, we aren’t going anywhere—it’s just like a dog chasing its tail. For instance, perhaps I’m obsessing on a wrong someone did to me. I like to bring it up in all its gory detail, reminding myself of it and growing more and more bitter. The obsession on the wrong does nothing to fix it, though. In fact, it makes it all feel worse and leaves me in unforgiveness, which naturally leads to a serious negative emotional spiral. If you aren’t getting anything sorted out by the fixation on a problem, you need to let it go and realize you are obsessing.
2. Is this truth?
Is the thing on which I am obsessing a lie or truth? There are so many lies that surround us as we grow up that this could play out in all sorts of ways. Am I believing I need something to cope with life like an addiction or suicide? That’s an obsession on a lie. Am I beating myself up for being the worst human on the planet when I just messed up like everyone does? That’s an obsession on a lie. Am I looking for proof of my lack by comparing myself to others who are stronger, prettier, more fit, smarter or more “successful” then me? That’s an obsession on a lie.
3. What is the truth?
I must find the truth so I quit obsessing on the lie and fight it off. I have to shift my focus from the obsession with the lie to the truth. The truth is that Jesus says He will meet all my needs (Phil 4:19) and I don’t need to add anything to His life to make me worthy. The truth is that I mess up sometimes, but He says nothing can separate us from the love of God (Rom 8:38-39) so I am not without hope! The truth is that I am able to be content in any circumstance in Jesus just like Paul (Phil 4:12), not looking to any other person to be my definition or to move me into comparison.
4. Set your mind on things above.
I do find that just trying to move my mind away from an obsession rarely works—I need to set it on something else. The most helpful things I have found are to move into thankfulness and to praying for others. I generally have a few starters for my gratitude, almost a mantra of things I can begin without having to think too hard. Mine are breath in my lungs this morning, the sun shining (usually is in Colorado!) and my family. From there, I can build on that and thank God for His many gifts today. This shifts my mindset rapidly from negative to positive and from my obsession to focusing on Jesus. Praying for others works the same way. I move my brain from my own stuff to someone else’s, lifting them up to my Father in their struggle or pain.
Obsession does not have to be my lifestyle or my boss. I can choose to set my mind on things above, but it does take a little work. In Christ, though, I am able and what a difference is made in my life when I focus on Jesus and not my junk.
Christ’s resurrection is your resurrection too. This is why we are to yearn for all that is above, for that’s where Christ sits enthroned at the place of all power, honor, and authority! Yes, feast on all the treasures of the heavenly realm and fill your thoughts with heavenly realities, and not with the distractions of the natural realm. Your crucifixion with Christ has severed the tie to this life, and now your true life is hidden away in God in Christ. Colossians 3:1-3