As I pray and soak in the presence of God these days, often the question that forms in my mind from Him is, “Do you trust me?” And generally my answer is, “Not really. But I want to. Will you help me?” What I’m discovering is that this continued building of trust by Him in my heart is a very slow process, and I feel like I’m moving backwards quite a lot. I know I’m in good company with that as well, so it’s not something that’s shocking to Jesus as He shepherds me.
Some days I feel like there are weights on my feet as I walk this road, and I am realizing it’s not pressure from God for He never demands trust. I get really down when I believe I’ve failed and disappointed Him again. But that’s not His perspective. He always invites—never demands. He doesn’t use condemnation or shame to get me to move the right direction. If any of these voices exist in my head it’s from the enemy, and I must dismiss it as a lie.
Then I need to fill my mind with truth, coming clean with God about what I’m afraid of and admitting what I really believe in the process. When I am able to do this, He can remove the fear and bring freedom. But when I pretend I do trust Him, or that I put pressure on myself to measure up instead of relying on His empowering to do all the work, then I can’t find any freedom. I am essentially tying those weights to my own feet and then getting angry at God for them being there.
When I can come to Him admitting the truth that I really don’t trust Him, that gives Him a chance to invite me into situations that allow me to live out trust. This is the way through fear and distrust, but man, it’s a bit scary! The alternative, though, is worse.
When we allow our fear to imprison and control us, we slowly move inward a bit at a time, becoming a distortion of ourselves and limiting everything we do. I often tell people about how agoraphobics (those afraid of being outside their home) don’t start that way. People allow their fear to control decisions slowly over time, limiting places they will go, people they will interact with and finally resulting in fear of anything outside of their home. When we allow fear to control us, we are more and more imprisoned and can’t imagine a way out. But when we are honest about our fear, admitting it to Jesus in prayer and allowing Him to speak into it, we are reminded of the truth that we don’t have to be afraid of ANYTHING. Our God is able to conquer any and every fear in us, and often does it through the fear rather than preventing it. This might seem backwards to us, but it is the only way to loosen the grip of fear on our lives.
The beautiful and gentle way Jesus walks us the whole way through is what makes all the difference for me. He invites me to trust Him with finances today, and again tomorrow and again the next day. He invites me to trust Him with my kids each day again. He invites me to trust Him with my future each and every day. It’s not a one-time fix, but a relationship that frees me. If I am standing with Jesus (which I always am because He never leaves me) then I can face anything because of His strength and wisdom. David didn’t face Goliath because he thought a lot of himself, but because he knew his God and he knew his God was with him.
We face the fear in our own lives in the same way—don’t look at the giant and let the fear intimidate you. Instead, look at Jesus, asking Him to tell you what you need to hear to free you from the fear. He knows how to speak to your heart, and will walk you through freedom as you trust Him with all of it.
But in the day that I’m afraid, I lay all my fears before you and trust in you with all my heart. What harm could a man bring to me? With God on my side, I will not be afraid of what comes. Psalm 56:3-4