What do you do with the brokenness you see inside you? When the façade doesn’t cover well and the cracks show through, reminding everyone around you that you are flawed and imperfect? How do you live through the shattered image, with all the beautiful shards mocking you from the ground while you sit naked and bare?
The brokenness we try so hard to hide from others can look like all sorts of things—depression, marriage problems, parenting problems, obsession with appearance and weight, suicidal thoughts, alcoholism, anger, feeling like we just don’t get this Jesus thing. We paint over it, hoping that no one will realize what’s going on in there. We try to keep it locked up until we can’t anymore, and it all comes spilling out in an embarrassing and defeating torrent.
We pray for this brokenness to be taken from us. We want healing and we want it now. Often, the assumption is that these cracks in ourselves are detrimental to God’s work in us, and they need to be gone ASAP in order for Him to really be able to work through us.
I’ve been reading another book by Brennan Manning recently (Abba’s Child) and he talks about a play called The Angel That Troubled the Waters, written by Thornton Wilder. In it, a doctor who struggles with depression comes to the pool to be healed when the angel stirs the waters. When the angel comes, he blocks the way of the physician from entering, telling him “Without your wound where would your power be? It is your very remorse that makes your low voice tremble into the hearts of men. The very angels themselves cannot persuade the wretched and blundering children on earth as can one human being broken on the wheels of living. In Love’s service only the wounded soldiers can serve. Draw back.” The angel doesn’t allow the man to find the healing he wants so badly because it is in his struggle that he finds compassion and the key to being able to unlock others’ hearts. Weakness is actually the path to strength.
But we hide our brokenness, not realizing the value it has for others because we are too afraid of being rejected for it. We think we have to be the “strong Christian” to be of value and to be helpful. I find it interesting that the Bible never talks about the Christian as strong in his own willpower or determination—it is in our weakness that Jesus is allowed to be strong.
Manning continues later in the book to talk about his own revelation about the Christian faith when he said:I came to see that it was in my brokenness, in my powerlessness, in my weakness that Jesus was made strong. It was in the acceptance of my lack of faith that God could give me faith. It was in the embracing of my brokenness that I could identify with others’ brokenness. It was my role to identify with others’ pain, not relieve it. Ministry was sharing, not dominating; understanding, not theologizing; caring, not fixing.
And then later:The lives of those fully engaged in the human struggle will be riddled with bullet holes. Whatever happened in the life of Jesus is in some way going to happen to us. Wounds are necessary. The soul has to be wounded as well as the body. To think that the natural and proper state is to be without wounds is an illusion. Those who wear bulletproof vests protecting themselves from failure, shipwreck, and heartbreak will never know that love is. The unwounded life bears no resemblance to the Rabbi.
It seems that our wounds and brokenness are not, in fact, disqualifiers but actually the cost of the truth. They are what push us past our pride and obsession with self (although often an obsession of the negative variety) to a place where we need Jesus desperately, and have only Jesus to offer others.
For many years, I thought I had something to give people. I was going to fix them and make them whole. This mentality led to incredible burnout because I was trying to play a role only God could fill.
After wounds, brokenness and the shattering of that pristine image of mine, I had real treasure to offer. Only Jesus. No additions, subtractions or fixing. He is the One who makes our brokenness beautiful, our scars symbols of victory and our images useless and abandoned.We often assume the unwounded life is the one most satisfying to God. We think the ones who never struggle in faith, who never battle depression and who never make a life mistake are the ones most acceptable. But I don’t see evidence of that in the Bible. I think that your brokenness is often the way through to the Life of Jesus.
We build a lot of walls surrounding our hearts. That’s actually why I got into counseling in the first place. I realized that Jesus was the One who could heal, but often we have so much in the way between us and Jesus that we can’t even see Him. I want to help break down the walls to bring clarity. Often, it’s through our wounds and our brokenness that we start to see past the walls.
It seems like a jerk move on God’s part--leaving the pain and the wounds. I was actually talking to a person the other day who, when I asked what them what they thought about God, responded with, “I think He’s a real asshole.” And I get it. A lot of the things I want God to do, He isn’t. But I also believe that there is nothing more important to God than our relationship with Him. Nothing on earth compares to that. No pain is to be spared in bringing us to Himself. He didn’t spare His own Son, so He obviously thinks that any pain is worth us knowing Him. That doesn't look like a jerk to me.
So, whatever your brokenness, will you allow it to bring you close to Jesus today? Whatever wounds you bear, will you look through them to the Father who draws you close and cares for you. He’s got wounds of His own, and He allows them because He loves you so much.
All praises belong to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he is the Father of tender mercy and the God of endless comfort. He always comes alongside us to comfort us in every suffering so that we can come alongside those who are in any painful trial. We can bring them this same comfort that God has poured out upon us. And just as we experience the abundance of Christ’s own sufferings, even more of God’s comfort will cascade upon us through our union with Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:3-5 TPT
But he answered me, “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.” So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me. 2 Corinthians 12:9 TPT