I was listening to a man several years ago who had just lost his infant daughter in the two weeks after she was born. She had fought for life, barely hanging on for those weeks, and then never left the hospital in her physical body. I attended the funeral with the tiny casket at the front, and, with tears pouring down my face, watched her brothers, mother and father celebrate the brief life of their little girl. Months later, the man was talking to a ministry board and was asked how he was surviving. His answer has stuck with me to this day.
The grieving father said that when he was operating from his soul—his mind, will and emotion—he felt like he was cracking apart. He couldn’t make sense of anything that had happened (least of all why God had allowed it). He couldn’t fix it or force something to happen to change the outcome. And he felt raw, blinding grief that sucked joy away replacing it with anger and deep sadness. He said that in his soul, he couldn’t find what he needed.
Instead, he had to move into his spirit, which was filled with the Holy Spirit. His spirit could acknowledge reality above the physical one, and find comfort in what God spoke to him there. The earthly reality didn’t change, and his grief wasn’t gone. But he was able to move into a deeper part of him that brought peace.
So often in our lives, we are waiting for God to make sense of things to our intellect, or to make it work out according to what we thought was the right thing. Instead, throughout Scripture, He has encouraged us to go deeper to the peace that makes no sense in chaos, the beauty that He brings out of ashes, and the freedom in the middle of fear. We are waiting for the circumstances to be “right” but that isn’t promised. Instead, we are promised that we will always have a deep well of peace from which we can draw, for we have the very Prince of Peace living within us. We can have hope that is not a passing fantasy, but also is a hope in Jesus being our Way rather than working things out the way we think they should go.
Yes, we feel grief. Yes, we come to an impasse with thoughts racing sometimes. Yes, sometimes we try to force, fix or manipulate to get ourselves out of the mess. But God calls us to move deeper to the place of the spirit, the place where He reminds us we are operating from a reality that is higher than what we see, think, or feel. Let Him move you past your understanding and opinions to deep intimacy with Jesus, and He will show you the Way forward.
Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions. With all your heart rely on him to guide you, and he will lead you in every decision you make. Become intimate with him in whatever you do, and he will lead you wherever you go. Proverbs 3:5-6