I’m afraid of so many things. Small, cramped spaces. Sending my kids to school. Rejection. Being left out. Home invasions. Doing or saying the wrong thing. Hurting someone. The list goes on and on. If I allow it to, fear can totally dictate every choice in my life, and keep me from so many things because of what might happen.
Something I’ve been learning, though, is that fear is a choice. Yes, some of us have trauma or training that would have us tend toward that choice. But we can slowly retrain that part of our brain that wants us to live in fear, and begin the process of becoming free.
I was reading Psalm 23 the other day and had a revelation—we can either follow fear or the Shepherd in decisions, but not both. It’s either attempting to protect ourselves and those around us (which really boils down to control), or entrusting ourselves and those we love to the Shepherd. We struggle with this because we have this illusion of control—we think we can control circumstances or people. But the reality is this is an illusion, and we are spinning our wheels trying to do something we have no actual power to do.
We have to recognize this lack of control and power, I think, before we are willing to trust the Shepherd. I have to acknowledge that I can’t protect myself or my family from every harm, that I can’t always avoid elevators or caves, that I can’t be likable enough to avoid all rejection or being left out, that I will hurt someone whether I mean to or not, and that I will definitely say the wrong thing sometimes. Usually when we start to get a glimpse of this, we shut down again and turn a blind eye—working harder to try to control something of which we have no actual control. However, we can also move into entrusting these worries and fears to the Shepherd.
Love is what the Bible says drives out fear (Ps 23:4, 1 Jn 4:18), so it’s not a matter of beating ourselves up for our fear or living in the condemnation of it. We have to admit that we don’t really believe that God loves us. We believe He wants to make us miserable, He isn’t a good Father, He is out of control, or He is just wanting us to be in pain. We equate comfort with love, and if we are uncomfortable then we must not be loved. I talk more about God and suffering in this post, but suffice it to say right now that I believe He does love us and hates to see us in pain. But He also knows that sometimes being uncomfortable and even suffering is part of what brings us to a place of knowing Him because we have nothing else to trust, and it prepares us for the next big adventure. If He loves us, we can allow Him to bring beauty from ashes, the oil of joy from mourning. We can know His comfort in the suffering. I would rather not suffer, but if the suffering is what brings deeper relationship with Him, then I know it is essential.
So, if we really will sit in the revelation of His love for us, fear cannot stay. It’s like light and darkness. When you turn on a light, the darkness has to flee. When you focus on the love of God for you and the beauty of Jesus’ sacrifice for you, fear cannot stay. I have a few friends with whom I can say anything and be myself. I worry that other people might think I’m crazy, but with these few, I don’t have that concern. They know me and have been through a lot with me, so I don’t have to stress about saying the wrong thing. This is love. And it’s the love of the Father for you right now, right where you sit. His love isn’t based on performance or behavior, but on your being His child. You don’t have to be afraid of opening up that vault in the back of your heart where all the icky stuff lives—He knows it’s there. You don’t have to keep up appearances or act like you have it all together. You can relax into His love.
As He reveals His love for you and you start to put down your illusions of control, there comes a place where you just follow the Shepherd. Even when the sky looks bleak and the whole world feels like it’s on fire, you know somewhere deep inside that He is leading and providing strength and peace in the middle of the valley of the shadow of death. So often we act as though as believers in Jesus, we are supposed to avoid all the valleys. But that’s not the promise. His promise is that He will be WITH us in the valleys, and He will provide all we need in them. Our peace isn’t tied to the circumstance that surrounds us, but to Jesus directly. That also means we can have unexplainable peace in the middle of craziness as we focus on who we bring into the mess.
Sometimes we have to throw off fear. We have to say no to something that is trying to control us, and choose to walk in the strength and courage that the Holy Spirit provides. The recognition that we aren’t in control--that we are weak--is actually really helpful. We can see that our attempts to escape the fear are just putting us into a more restrictive prison. There is no freedom in fear.
Don’t try to figure it out. The circumstance or place in which you find yourself probably won’t make any sense. Mike Wells used to talk about the Great Reversal—how God takes us out to bring us in. We learn in contrast, but we also see God’s power in the greatest way when there is no other option but His work in the situation. So, bring your impossible to Him. Don’t try to brainstorm a way out—come first to Him and lay it at His feet. This includes all the things you are afraid of—you can lay it all at His feet.
I love this quote from Morgan Harper Nichols:
If you are weary in the waiting, take whatever strength you have left, and run to the shores of grace. Arrive broken, burdened, carrying your tapestry made of worries, and be willing and ready to lay it all down at the feet of Jesus.
I think sometimes the communication is that we should just “let go” of our fears, our worries, or our stresses. But this idea seems to me like I don’t really care. The things I can just let go of are things in which I have no investment and can dismiss easily. It is more helpful for me to bring all of my fears, worries and stresses to Jesus and put them in His lap like a child does with a broken toy.
My husband is a gluing expert when it comes to my kids’ toys. He is so patient to take whatever little thing has been broken and figure out how to glue it back together, rigging up vises and weights in order to hold it together long enough for the glue to adhere. The kids don’t even stress that much about broken toys now, because they know their dad will do his utmost to save them.
Our loving Father takes the broken bits that we bring Him without impatience, telling us that He will take care of them and we don’t need to be afraid. He holds us in comfort, reminds us of truth and walks with us on the difficult journey. Love frees us from fear, leaving us with peace.
Even when your path takes me through the valley of deepest darkness, fear will never conquer me, for you already have! Your authority is my strength and my peace. The comfort of your love takes away my fear. I’ll never be lonely, for you are near. Psalm 23:4