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Hannah Morrell
A Jungle from Barren Ground

Pain in the summer is never fun. Not that pain is ever enjoyable, but the summer just seems to compound the frustration. Everyone is supposed to be enjoying life and the weather, and you feel like crawling in a hole and never coming out.

During the summer of 2016, I sat on the back porch with a couple of friends after my kids had gone to bed and my pain spilled over to them. I looked at my life and wondered what on earth I was going to do moving forward. Generally I like to keep a tight lid on my stuff—opening up seems vulnerable and raw. But this night was one where the honeysuckle smelled sweetest, the warm air wrapped me up in its hug and the crickets sang from their little homes under the grass. It all came pouring out, and was received in such a gracious, loving way.

After I was done talking, my friends prayed for me, asking for direction and hope in the days ahead. And the most powerful piece of that was when one of the girls popped her head up and remembered the story I had told her earlier in the evening about my back yard.

A Jungle from Barren Ground
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Hannah Morrell
Enjoying the Abundance

Today as I was asking God about how He provides, He brought me to John’s gospel in chapter 6 when Jesus feeds the 5,000. I thought about the young boy who was willing to give them his five loaves and two fish, and what must have gone through his mind in offering his food for the day to the disciples for the crowd. I don’t think we have a good perspective on what a sacrifice this was for this boy. He couldn’t run to the grocery store and buy more food, and he probably gave his food expecting he would go hungry that day. This boy didn’t know what Jesus was about to do, but he knew this teacher needed the food and gave it without any expectation of reward.

The other thing I realized is that this boy got to eat the multiplied food too! He didn’t go stand off to the side while everyone else ate—it was for him as well. And verse 12 says that everyone was “satisfied” so no one left hungry. What a beautiful way to show that whatever we offer and surrender to Jesus, He receives with joy and multiplies it for us as well as for those around us. It may not seem like much, or it may seem like everything. But either way, we get to partake in the generosity of our Heavenly Father.

Andrew Murray in Absolute Surrender says “It is the very nature and being of God to delight in communicating Himself. God has no selfishness, God keeps nothing to Himself. God’s nature is to be always giving. In the sun and the moon and the stars, in every flower you see it, in every bird in the air, in every fish in the sea. God communicates life to His creatures. And the angels around His throne, the seraphim and cherubim who are flames of fire—whence have they their glory? It is because God is love, and He imparts to them of His brightness and His blessedness. And we, His redeemed children—God delights to pour His love into us. And why? Because, as I said, God keeps nothing for Himself. From eternity God had His only begotten Son, and the Father gave Him all things, and nothing that God had was kept back. ‘God is love.’”

Enjoying the Abundance
Hannah Morrell
Giving Thanks Before We Receive

God is teaching me these days about giving thanks in the “before.” As in, before the answer comes, the change happens and the provision is delivered. We love giving thanks “after” and there’s nothing wrong with that. But when we are able to praise Him before we see any evidence of His work, and simply because we know Him and trust His love for us, this is a different thing entirely. I think there’s also a humility in acknowledging we have no idea how He’s going to work in the situation, and if we are even going to like it. But He is not absent ever, and is always working in the difficulties to bring us closer to Him.

I see examples of this in Jesus giving thanks as He was dividing the fish and loaves to feed the five thousand. He didn’t see evidence in front of Him of how His Father was going to feed all these people, but He believed that’s what He was inviting Him into, and thanked Him in advance. Paul and Silas while in prison in Acts 16 sang praises before they were freed, and really without knowing they would be. They sang first, knowing that their God would take care of them in the best way. Later in Paul’s life, that looked like being in prison for a long time. Why didn’t God provide in the same way? Because He often changes things up, never settling for the same.

Giving Thanks Before We Receive
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Hannah Morrell
Loving Enemies

Jesus said some pretty crazy things through the Gospels, and most of them didn’t make sense to any of the people listening at the time. One that really catches us off-guard is when He mentions how our ancestors have been taught to love neighbors and hate those who hate you, but He says to instead love your enemy. That’s nuts! There is nothing in me that wants to love someone who has set themselves against me. And I suppose that’s part of it—I can’t do this on my own.

Most of what Jesus calls us to do is completely impossible on our own. We can’t forgive, we can’t bless those who curse us, we can’t rejoice in trials, we can’t not be afraid. Yet with His Life in ours, He is saying this is possible, and even further, will be true of us as His living water of love gushes out through us to others.

Often when I get mad at someone because they’ve hurt me, or because they’ve hurt someone I love, I want to punish them, reject them and hurt them back. Most of this I suppose I do in my head, not in reality, but the attitude is definitely there.

Loving Enemies
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Hannah Morrell
Wisdom

I have been reading Proverbs the last few months, and God is definitely talking to me about wisdom as I read this book. It is a pretty major theme throughout after all, but I’m seeing it differently than I ever have before. Someone asked me what I thought the difference between wisdom and knowledge was, and I’ve been asking God the same question.

Often we focus on knowledge, gaining information ad nauseum, hoping that enough will allow us to control our environment, to be acceptable to God, to prevent pain. But no matter how much we know, we can’t control our circumstances, we already are acceptable to God (based on His work not ours) and we can’t prevent pain. Now, there’s nothing wrong with knowledge, but I think it is only half the battle.

I would define wisdom as the revelation of God’s perspective on the information we have learned, and His definition of application to our lives. Wisdom, after all, is Jesus Himself. When we recognize we are in Christ and already have all of Him, we also can ask for wisdom at any time, knowing that He will give it. James 1:5 says, “And if anyone longs to be wise, ask God for wisdom and he will give it! He won’t see your lack of wisdom as an opportunity to scold you over your failures but he will overwhelm your failures with his generous grace.

Wisdom

My Hiding Place of Hope

My Hiding Place of Hope

Often in my life, I want to find hope in a variety of external changes. Maybe it’s financial security, good relationships, success or self-reliance. I can be tempted to believe that hope lies in achieving these things. I can work myself to death trying to be in control of my life, but I am becoming more and more convinced that hope can’t be found in any of these.

I can look around the world and see instances of all kinds of trouble, suffering, insecurity. I can look in my own life and see the same. So, if my hope lies in getting rid of the trouble, I am not doing very well at getting to hope.

If, however, my hope is God Himself, then I don’t need to worry about changing my circumstances in order to find hope. This is the concept that I call “rising above” the situation at hand and acknowledging God’s presence regardless of the seeming impossibility of the problem. This is not a denial, but rather an acknowledgment of both the problem and the God who owns the problem. I believe it is recognizing my abiding in the Vine, and accessing all that this abiding gives me.

The Poison of Religion

The Poison of Religion

I think it was C.S. Lewis who said that a book needed to be written about the injustices and crimes committed by those who claimed to know God, so that we could show the differences between those whose hearts are actually God’s, and those who claim any sort of power that will allow them to abuse and manipulate. I am not planning to write that book, but I have been thinking a lot about the poison of religion when it claims to know God or speak for Him while doing the opposite of His character. 

It is interesting how often Jesus criticizes the religious hierarchy in His teaching in the Gospels. He calls them out for beating people down with rules and laws while breaking them, or not acting in love toward any of their people. He sees the hypocrisy of their behavior as they postured greatness but really acted as criminals in religious clothing.

This story has been repeated throughout the ages since Jesus, but they have taken on His name and claimed His message of salvation. They go without grace, without love and without real Life to offer anyone. They hurt, destroy, abuse, kill, manipulate, and break people as they go. People who equate God’s name or message with these individuals or organizations are, understandably, horrified, and want nothing to do with God the rest of their lives because of the pain they have caused.

Throwing Away the Standards

Throwing Away the Standards

This last week I got to speak to a MOPS group about anxiety, and the impossible standards or expectations we so often place on ourselves that result in this anxiety and overwhelm. I thought it might be helpful to share some of this here on a blog post as well, as I know it isn’t just moms who struggle with these feelings.

As I was flipping through social media recently, I found “10 Things You Are Doing Wrong With Your Kids”, “5 Ways To Make Your Body Look Like You Never Had a Baby “(not really, but that’s what they were saying), “3 Things to Do Right Now With Your House To Make It Look Like a Designer Lives There”, “What Your Husband Really Wants and How You Can Be That Desirable”, and (maybe the worst) “What God Wants You To Do To Be The Best Christian You Can Be.“ I know this kind of pressure isn’t just found on social media, but can come from impossible standards you feel from your parents, your church, yourself, and God.

I like to identify these expectations we put on ourselves so we can choose to do something different, and to listen to a different voice. There are so many voices that scream at us about what we should be doing, what we should be afraid of, and what we are doing wrong. I want to be a voice that reminds us all that God never put these expectations on us—we did that ourselves or accepted the ones that others put on us.

Don't Let Worry Be My Bread

Don't Let Worry Be My Bread

Don’t let worry be my bread today,
But let me, instead, feast on the delights of your love and faithfulness.
Take the care and burdens that weigh me down,
Leaving the lightness and the relief of freedom.
Pull the fires of rejection from my heart
Quenching them with Your tears and compassion for me.

Dismiss the distractions and confusion that fill my brain,
Replacing them with focus and peace no matter what is going on around me.
Take the cursing and the spewing that fill my mouth,
Giving blessing and hallelujah that only come from you.
Remove the discouragement and hopelessness,
Putting courage in me, restoring my soul with hope and sweetness in You.

Where's the Joy?

Where's the Joy?

I was walking my dog through our neighborhood yesterday, and met the most interesting man. I greeted him like I greet every other person I walk by on the sidewalk, and he proceeded to give me a story that did not match his countenance. His face was so peaceful and happy, and as he spoke, he smiled and laughed. He told me of how 15 years ago he had a motorcycle accident which left him in assisted care, where he lives now. Obviously dealing with a brain injury, he could no longer live without care. The way he told me this story, though, caught me off guard because he had so much joy. He emphasized the positives—he was able to live off insurance and retirement for the last 15 years, enjoying his walks and moving here from Florida. The man spoke as if he was a complete success and had won at life!

I thought about my interaction with him the rest of the walk. I know this man has some brain complications from his wreck, but he has chosen to look for the joy in a life that would seem like a failure or like a miss to a lot of the world. He was content, and had no reason to complain. How often do I look at my situation and find joy, regardless of how it looks to others?

In Philippians, Paul talks often about joy, and this also seems rather ironic since he was in prison at the time with no release date in sight. He was able to find joy in the middle of circumstances that seemed less than ideal. It sure does make me mad, though, when I am complaining about my own difficulty and someone asks me where the joy is in it. I feel that it is trite and rather dismissive of my pain when it is suggested that I should be rising above it to find joy.

But what I’m realizing more and more is that the joy isn’t found IN the problem. It’s not like we are supposed to really enjoy the pain and the issue at hand. That’s just denial. I think the joy that Paul found no matter what his circumstance was the joy in Jesus. He saw past the problem to knowing Jesus through it, and rejoiced!

Beginning, Middle and Ending

Beginning, Middle and Ending

I was watching the show The Chosen recently in which Jesus sends the disciples out in pairs to go spread the good news that He had come (from Mark 6). They were charged to heal, to free from demons and to share what He had taught them with others they encountered. And they were not to take anything to feed themselves or prepare themselves for the journey really, as they were to rely on the hospitality of those to whom they were going.

I think sometimes we forget the craziness of this for these men. They had been following Jesus for a bit, yes, but they were now being sent out to do things they had only watched Him do. And they couldn’t rely on their knowledge or their preparation. It had to have been so scary. Can you imagine the first time one of them stopped to pray for someone and had no idea what the outcome would be? Can you feel the awful rejection that many of them faced as they were thrown out of places and threatened?

I can. Because I have been called to the same crazy idea. And I bet many of you have too. You move into what God has called you to do with no knowledge and no idea what the outcome is going to be. You don’t even know how to be prepared for it! Anytime you speak of Jesus to others, there is always the possibility of rejection and ridicule. Especially by the religious leaders, who don’t want to look to God but instead want to maintain their rules and power.

Divine Strength

Divine Strength

Honestly, I am not always excited when God brings the theme of the coming year for me as I pray on it in December. It is almost never something I expect (or frankly, want) and I sometimes get a bit nervous about how He’s going to bring it forth over the next year.

So, with the upcoming year when the word is “strength” I really wanted to ask for a different one! Ha! Why? Well, strength sounds nice, and in fact, it’s often what we work towards. We want to strengthen our physical bodies, our minds, our spirits, our hearts. We try self-help programs, workouts, a variety of methods to strengthen ourselves, thinking that one day we will be able to look at ourselves with admiration.

I find, though, that God’s view on strength is different. You see, divine strength is what God is going to give us, not necessarily an increase in fleshly strength. He doesn’t want the flesh to get stronger because He knows that’s bad for us. Instead, He wants us to grow more and more dependent on Him for supernatural strength that only comes through Him.

Peace & Courage

Peace & Courage

We talk about peace a lot around Christmas. The Bible mentions peace even more often. Jesus is called the Prince of Peace. Peace is something that Jesus leaves with us. Peace is something that might not make sense as it surpasses all understanding.

“I leave the gift of peace with you—my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts—instead, be courageous! John 14:27

I believe Jesus left peace with us by leaving us Himself. Peace is not the absence of conflict or suffering, but a person. When I am in relationship with God (in other words, acknowledging His presence), I have peace. No matter what else is going on around me, I can have peace.

So often we want peace to be when everything is going “right” and we are enjoying green meadows and bubbling brooks. Even when we are surrounded by craziness, though, we can have peace because we always have Jesus. He promises to never leave us.

A Heart's Cry for Hope & Gratitude

A Heart's Cry for Hope & Gratitude

Though the economy seems desperate and the bank account is empty,
Though friends may forsake and leave for someone they decide is better,
Though the job situation looks bleak and the prospects look even bleaker,
Though health may not be improving, and even might be getting worse,
Though dreams of where you would be at this point in life are not at all reality,
Though a spouse might leave for another and reject and betray,
Though singleness continues after years of hoping for a good and kind relationship,
Though infertility steals any chance of parenting, and your heart aches,
Though kids have gone down roads never wished for by a parent,
Though traumas of the past continue to rear their ugly heads,
Though looking around the world exhibits only see damage and evil,
Though hope in the circumstances seems lost and forlorn,

He Holds My Hand

He Holds My Hand

If your week looks anything like mine, you are running a little ragged. Yours might feel better or worse, but regardless there are so many days that I wake up telling God how I don’t have what I need for today at all. I don’t know how to do it. I can’t possibly have the strength or time to do it. I don’t even want to do it.

Sometimes the way ahead feels completely impossible. The mountain in front of you looks insurmountable. The feelings around you threaten to drown you, and you are convinced that there is no other way but to live in anxiety and constant hypervigilance.

I will tell you what God has been telling me. Not because I understand it completely, but because it is most comforting when you are facing a life that seems impossible.

Love Does Not Shame

Love Does Not Shame

Out of the blue the other day, my 8-year-old daughter piped up from the back seat of the car and said she was really upset that someone in a movie had said, “You should be ashamed of yourself.” I don’t even remember the movie or what it was in reference to, but I thought it was an interesting observation, especially from a younger child. Shame always brings a chaotic mess of discouragement, depression and despair.

Shame is usually defined as something along the lines of a bad feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the belief that behavior was wrong, or that the wrong done was because of the person being intrinsically bad or unworthy. It encompasses a lot of the mess we carry around with ourselves after we have either done something stupid, or feel that we have.

Weakness is a Gift

Weakness is a Gift

I write and talk about weakness quite a lot, probably because I’m a fairly independent woman who doesn’t like to admit any lack. God is faithful to teach me a lot about it because I don’t want to learn! Generally, when I feel weak, I either try to cover it up and make it look fine, or I run away from whatever it is and decide I can’t do it. Interestingly enough, that is not what God asks us to do with weakness.

I am beginning to see that places of weakness or inability are actually gifts. I know, it sounds strange, right? But these places are where we most find and see the power of Jesus within. It’s sort of like a very thin spot in a piece of fabric—it has been worn to more fully show what is beneath it. I generally throw away clothes that get that level of holes in them, but what God says is to invite Him to show through all the cracks and holes of our lives.

When I see the spots where my patience is wearing thin, or I have no compassion left for someone, or I am just too weary to handle one more burden, this is where I can most experience God’s power because I’m not trying to do something for Him. I have begun to anticipate these times with joy, because after I get done with pondering my self-help plan for making myself stronger, I can then instead turn to God spiritually and ask Him for help. He never turns me down! He’s been waiting this whole time for my request.

Worry and Imagination

Worry and Imagination

I don’t mean to brag, but I’m amazingly good at imagining worst-case scenarios. I can stay up all night, daydream (can they be called day-nightmares instead?) and obsess on all the brutal possibilities. My focus can be completely consumed with what I think will help prepare me emotionally if those things were to happen.

But the reality is that none of this imagining actually prepares me for a bad situation. Instead, it steals any joy I could have in the moment today, and it puts my physical body in a place where it responds as if the problem is really happening. That steals more energy from my current place, as well as putting me in a stressful, reactive state physically.

I recently read a quote by Dan Zadra: “Worry is the misuse of imagination.” I think we forget that imagination has been redeemed as well as the rest of us by Jesus. Instead of using imagination to worry, fret or stew about the worst-case scenarios, what if we allowed it to be used by the Spirit in the way He created it to be?

God the Gardener

God the Gardener

I’ve been thinking a lot about how God gardens. I have a little garden in my backyard that I enjoy, and I’ve written about it before. I’ve read somewhere that the greatest optimists in the world are gardeners in the spring, as the sky is the limit in the harvest that is planned and expected. Even if my crop turns out to be bad one year, I am still back at it in the spring, hoping for a better year with returns that make me happy.

The first thing I do when planting is to disturb the soil. I dig down into it, and mix it with rotting food and poop (also known as compost and manure). The soil must be disturbed before it can be planted. I bet the disruption is not comfortable for the ground, but I can see past the mess to the possibility of what can come out of it—the anticipation of good makes it worth the disruption.

The Constant Oasis

The Constant Oasis

Do you ever feel burned out? Like you’d just like to pack up and run away from your life? Maybe it’s work, or maybe it’s the kids, the marriage, the bills, the house issues, the health problems, the recovery from trauma. It kind of feels like a little kid running to hide under the covers to protect them from the monsters in the closet—it probably won’t really change anything to run away, but it feels like it might be helpful somehow.

I feel that way sometimes. I want to hide from the parts of my life that feel too hard, too painful, too much work. Hiding doesn’t fix them, but at times it feels like the only way to deal with it all.

The communication from the world is generally—keep going, don’t quit. The communication from the church sometimes is—keep working, don’t let anyone see you are hurting. The communication from our own selves is—keep trying, your worth is tied up in not quitting.

God's Loving Pursuit

God's Loving Pursuit

One of the tenderest ways I see God love us is in His pursuit of us, never giving up even when we run away with all our might. This isn’t an aggressive pursuit to push us into doing something, but rather He waits for us to be at a point to receive His love. He is always close, waiting for us to yield to the amazing love He wants to give us.

He leaves the 99 sheep to find the one. He seeks out the lost coin, the lost treasure to restore it to its proper place. He pursues the ones who feel themselves to be too much, too broken, too lost. I picture Him as running next to us, not chasing us down, but reminding us that He is always available and waiting for the turn to Him.

Sometimes it isn’t until we are lying on the ground in exhaustion, panting to inhale any breath of air we can get, that we finally look up and realize He has never left. We may be too tired to care, but our hearts shift when we see that He does not abandon.

I Lift My Eyes Up

I Lift My Eyes Up

I lift my eyes up, because sometimes it seems all help is gone.
I lift my eyes up in a desperate search for stable ground.
I lift my eyes up, wanting something to be my rock and fortress.
I lift my eyes up, seeking out answers, or explanation or something real.

My help doesn’t come from the mountains, though.
But from the Lord of the mountains Himself.
He is present, active and ready, although it may not feel true.
He is ready to help, and acting already though maybe not in the ways I want.

Rising Above the Fray

Rising Above the Fray

Sometimes the world around seems like constant distractions. Everyone is yelling at you about what they think you should consider to be important, or the “right” viewpoint, or the way you should feel. My prayer often in this year especially has been that I would not be distracted by anything that is not where my Shepherd is calling me. That doesn’t mean it’s not a place for anyone—but I want to have enough energy to pursue Him in the way He’s called me rather than chasing down a thousand bunny trails that lead nowhere.

In asking for this, God has consistently shown me that I am not denying the physical reality of a situation, but I am adding the spiritual reality. This isn’t an either/or situation. Something may be very awful, sad or difficult, but that doesn’t mean that this description fully encompasses it. I always want to acknowledge the pain and hold space for the grieving of a situation, but I also want to recognize the spiritual reality that God loves us with an everlasting love and He is shepherding us through even the darkest valley of the shadow of death.

As much as I am not denying reality, I am also not just looking for a positive spin on things. I think much has been made of thinking positive, and frankly, I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t find it helpful. Even while I am trying to think positive, the rest of my brain is at war showing that it doesn’t hold water.

Never Surrender!

Never Surrender!

I always find it interesting to read about the battles where one side is overwhelmed with unimaginable odds, and yet chooses not to surrender. Growing up in Texas, the Alamo was one of those we heard about a lot. In this tiny mission-turned-fortress, about 200 soldiers fighting for independent Texas held off thousands of Mexican soldiers in order to provide time for the larger army to later defeat the Mexican army at the battle of San Jacinto. The odds were ridiculous, but the Texans did not surrender.

I can’t imagine the fear that must have been going through the hearts of people in these kind of battles. They know somewhere deep inside that they are completely outnumbered and will probably die. But they count it worthwhile to stay, hoping that the outcome later will be worth their lives. They choose not to surrender, to fear or to the approaching army.

It stirs my heart to read about these brave people, and it reminds me that I also don’t want to choose to surrender, except to the One who is my victory. I don’t want to surrender to hopelessness that tells me I will never see the change for which I’m praying, or the end of a season of pain. I don’t want to surrender to fear that makes me obsess on the worst case scenarios and attempt to prevent and control outcomes I can’t see a way through. I don’t want to surrender to emotional or physical pain that tells me I will never have healing or relief, draining my life of hope for the future. I don’t to surrender to my weakness which repeats the same refrain over and over—you can’t, you aren’t enough, you will never make it. I don’t want to surrender to my anger and feel controlled and tossed around like being on a choppy ocean.

Wisdom and Difficulty

Wisdom and Difficulty

Does it ever seem like all I write about is difficulty? I suppose that’s not entirely true, but it is quite common. Of course, this is because so many of us are in difficulty. I don’t want to pretend that I have all the answers to those difficulties, but I do want to shed light on the way ahead.

I often have people ask me my opinions on many different happenings in the world. I’m not sure they really want my opinion, but rather an agreement with where they stand on whatever topic it is. I have decided with most of these issues, I don’t want to be distracted from my central focus of proclaiming rest and abiding in Jesus. My prayer, though, in many places of life is that I need wisdom. I used to want to be like Solomon, where I ask for wisdom and also get riches and power! What a deal! But now, more often than not, I ask for wisdom because I just need a way ahead. I am not smart enough to know what to do. I don’t have a plan for dealing with anything—recessions, world chaos, rejection, health issues. I need wisdom, and I need it for each moment as I take a step.

I have been reading the verses below in James quite a lot recently, and love the simplicity of what he says. First, when it seems like you are facing nothing but difficulty, it’s an opportunity! What?! It’s not an opportunity for you to pretend everything is great, but to see from the position that God has given you to see joy and His power at work in you to produce endurance and perfection. That doesn’t mean you have to try harder to gain these things. His Life is already within you and releasing it. Difficulty just clears the way. When we are in circumstances that are trying and testing, we get rid of a lot of excess simply because we can’t deal with it right then. We clear the way for what is real, for what will last. So, if you are in difficulty, let the extra stuff go and walk moment-by-moment with Jesus, waiting for His completion of His good work in you. He will do it!

Walking with the broken to find hope in Jesus