What does it mean to seek first the kingdom of God when you don’t want to get back into performance or legalism? That’s a question I’ve been pondering a lot recently. Jesus says to seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness in Matthew 6, but as with so many things in Scripture, we’ve taken this to mean that we have to generate the Kingdom ourselves and our performance is graded to see how well we are seeking.

The context of the verse is in relation to pursuing or being obsessed with provision—food, clothes, etc. Jesus says instead of being fixated on what you might need or think you need, to run after His reality. This isn’t just in heaven, as in Luke 17:20-21, Jesus says the Kingdom of God is already expanding among some of those around Him. And Romans 14:17-18 says that the Kingdom isn’t a bunch of rules about eating and drinking, but rather the realm of the Holy Spirit. And serving Jesus by walking in the kingdom realities was pleasing to God.

God has been talking to me a lot about fear this year, as you can probably tell if you’ve read any of my blog posts from the last few months. I have realized that we tend to do one of three things with fear:

1.        Obsess on it, thinking we are protecting ourselves or preventing something from happening by having control (an illusion) and coming up with all the worst-case scenarios. We sometimes believe that knowledge and information will help, but without any power we are devoid of actually keeping our fears at bay and they control us.

2.        Ignore it, believing somehow that if we face it head-on that will bring it into reality. Of course, this is similar to hiding from the monsters under the covers—I might not see them, but it wouldn’t do much in the way of protecting me from anything scary. Denial is just lying to ourselves, believing that we will not have to face anything we fear or anything difficult.

3.        Entrust and release it to God, believing that He can free us from it and allow us to walk through anything because of His strength within us. This isn’t an attempt at control or denial, but rather trusting Jesus to be with us and walk with us through whatever the fear is. He actually can free us from the fear, rather than continuing to spin round and round in it.

I was listening to a man several years ago who had just lost his infant daughter in the two weeks after she was born. She had fought for life, barely hanging on for those weeks, and then never left the hospital in her physical body. I attended the funeral with the tiny casket at the front, and, with tears pouring down my face,  watched her brothers, mother and father celebrate the brief life of their little girl. Months later, the man was talking to a ministry board and was asked how he was surviving. His answer has stuck with me to this day.

The grieving father said that when he was operating from his soul—his mind, will and emotion—he felt like he was cracking apart. He couldn’t make sense of anything that had happened (least of all why God had allowed it). He couldn’t fix it or force something to happen to change the outcome. And he felt raw, blinding grief that sucked joy away replacing it with anger and deep sadness. He said that in his soul, he couldn’t find what he needed.

Instead, he had to move into his spirit, which was filled with the Holy Spirit. His spirit could acknowledge reality above the physical one, and find comfort in what God spoke to him there. The earthly reality didn’t change, and his grief wasn’t gone. But he was able to move into a deeper part of him that brought peace.

Last week we were camping in the mountains, and I came across the most crazy-looking aspen tree. From a distance, it looked completely normal, healthy and thriving. The leaves were green and plentiful, and it was even supporting a smaller aspen growing up with it. I walked right up to the river bank on which it was growing, looked over the edge and was stunned by what I saw. Below the aspen tree, it’s roots were suspended in the air as it grew out of the bank and looked like it was almost floating. I couldn’t understand how it could continue to thrive when the base of it looked so precarious.

Of course, this got me thinking about how this relates to people, because God often teaches me about people through nature. First, we never know what is going on in people’s lives, but we often judge and compare based on the externals. I can’t tell you how many times I have to tell myself how little I know rather than jumping to conclusions about what looks perfect or compare-worthy on the outside. We don’t know what a person’s root system looks like, and sometimes make judgements without understanding.

Second, I know God is teaching me so much about His perspective versus mine when it comes to my circumstances. I look at that tree and tell it that it should probably give up based on the root system being suspended in the air! But it wasn’t, and even more so, it was living as if it was perfectly rooted and supported by the dirt. Yet, based on what I know about aspen tree root systems, it was actually being supported by all the other aspen trees around it by being joined together underground.

I was watching a show the other day that follows a free diver, aptly named Ocean Ramsey, as she dives with sharks and promotes a different perspective on these animals. One of the marine biologists who commented on her advocacy said that Ramsey jumped into the ocean and asked a question—why should I be afraid? This was one of those gut-punching questions for me, as I considered how often we run away or never jump into places that we have been taught are scary because we have never asked this same question. Now, whether or not you agree with Ocean Ramsey’s quest to change the world’s opinion on sharks, I would ask you to look at your life and consider asking the same question about some of the other areas you might shy away from because it seems dangerous, stupid or downright crazy.

Something about fear is really important to God as He talks about it a lot in the Bible. He has not designed us for fear, but He knew we would experience it. Sometimes fear displays as anger, control or anxiety. But often we don’t stop to ask the question—why should I be afraid?

Often in Biblical stories, people push into circumstances that seem incredibly scary, something they maybe shouldn’t do if they are being “reasonable.” But they are operating in the identity God has given them and they are walking the calling He has given them, so the question is answered. There is no reason to walk in fear because they are made for this, and they have a God who is strength in weakness. David and Goliath, Gideon and the Midianites, Esther and Haman, Paul and the Romans—none of these people ended up running from fear but pushed directly into it. I know that some took some convincing, but ultimately they walked in places that they naturally should have been afraid, recognizing that supernaturally and spiritually they were going to be okay.